I started playing guitar when I was 12.
I started taking lessons when I was 13. It might have been one of my first acts of manhood post Bar-Mitzvah.
I played in my first talent show when I was 14 with my band Black Diamond.
I was the rhythm guitarist. Kind of like Paul Stanley without pubes.
I continued on with my lessons until I was 15 years old.
By this point I had two electric guitars.
I never learned how to read music. I never learned how to play more than 10 chords (being generous). I never practiced until the night before my lesson.
The only reason I took up guitar lessons, is because I thought it would help me get chicks.
I didn't even have pubes. Why would I have wanted to get chicks if I didn't have pubes?
I am now 39 years old.
I have two electric guitars, one acoustic guitar, a travel guitar, two amplifiers, a microphone (with stand), an electric keyboard, two harmonicas and a beautiful piano.
I can't play more than 3 chords on the piano and I still suck shit balls on the guitar.
I will never be more than a 2nd rate, rhythm guitarist. Kind of like Paul Stanley, except now I have pubes. Not more pubes than Paul Stanley though. No one has more pubes than Fuckin' Paul Stanley.
My daughter is an aspiring singer / songwriter. She's actually got some talent for an 8 year old. She's always singing. She's always practicing. She's got a good ear for music.
I try to encourage her.
When she was younger, I would always accompany her on the guitar.
I think she thought I was pretty cool; maybe even somewhat of a guitar virtuoso.
She's a bit older now.
A bit wiser.
Her tolerance is low and she demands perfection.
I'm afraid she's gonna catch on to me.
I already fear that I am holding her back.
I can no longer hide behind my wall of lies.
I think she knows...
I suck at guitar.