Lately I've been thinking a lot about who I am. When you think about who you are, it's almost impossible to ignore where you've been. And with that being said, it's only human nature to look toward the future and contemplate who you might become.
The oddest thing about my self discovery has been analyzing the place that I appear to be dwelling in now. It seems as if I'm stuck in a purgatory of growth. Like I'm going through some sort of metamorphosis of some kind.
I liken my current state of being to that of Jeff Goldblum in the movie, "The Fly".
In "The Fly", Mr. Goldblum is struggling with the notion that he might be shedding his human exterior in favor of a hideous vermin. The transformation happens slowly and dramatically. At first he is disturbed and concerned. Then he becomes fascinated and even intrigued by the sheer science of it all. Finally he realizes that he is leaving his true self behind and he mourns his own passing until his last waking moments.
I feel a tremendous amount of identification with Brundlefly.
This morning after I sat down to pee, I stepped into the shower. As I put down the Dove body wash and reached for my Loofah Brush, I found myself thinking about all of the things that are different about me these days. None of them seem very extreme but rather subtle. In fact, I find that I can't really even put my finger on most of them.
This often confuses me.
When you're a man living with three ladies, it's important to maintain a strong sense of self awareness.
Young girls must recognize positive character traits in their fathers; for it is the first and definitely the most influential male role model in their lives.
You know the old saying: "Women pick their husbands like dear old dad."
In other words...
I can't be a dickweed.
So when I'm not busy baking various types of light, puffy, flaky pastries or simply dusting around the house, I try to spend quality time with my daughters.
For instance, we love to watch the Food Network together. Programs like Giada or The Barefoot Contessa can be fun and interactive.
I also try to teach them the importance of exercise, so that they may achieve a sound mind and a healthy body. They witness me doing my daily fitness routines that include light stretching, Jazzercise, speed walking and pilates.
I teach them to eat healthy foods like rice cakes topped with Nutella and plain Greek yogurt, loaded with live cultures.
I always feel inspired when exposing them to the arts. We watch some of my favorite films; Beaches, Dirty Dancing, The Joy Luck Club, Bridget Jones's Diary and Fried Green Tomatoes.
Having this sort of relationship with my girls brings me great joy. I love being able to expose them to a male point of view. Even though I'm much different now that I am married with daughters, I'm quite sure that my positive male presence will contribute to the ever developing fabric of their character.
It doesn't bother me that we don't watch a lot of professional wrestling or that they don't read my comic books. It's not about that for me.
There's only one thing that matters.
When I stare at my reflection in my vanity at night, as I'm about to tweeze my eyebrows, I want to know that I can look at myself in the eyes and say, "Hey, you don't need to bleach your mustache to show your girls how beautiful you are. All you need to do is be yourself."
If I can say that honestly, then I deserve to make myself a nice cup of hot peppermint tea and curl up under my flannel sheets with a good Danielle Steele novel.
And maybe even treat myself to a facial and a Brazilian...