Friday, July 23, 2010

Whose Kid Shit The Pool?

A couple of weeks ago, my family and I took an unbelievably beautiful trip out to Lake Tahoe.

God's country.

We stayed with our best friends and their parents.

They have a time share at a very high end Resort and couldn't have been more gracious hosts.

Aside from running around and taking in some of the most breathtaking landscapes this great country has to offer, we were also able to kick back and enjoy the pool at the hotel.

Again, this is a pretty fancy joint.

As a parent, I'm keenly attuned to my children's behavior when we're around other people; Especially other people at a fancy hotel, sitting poolside, eating grilled jumbo prawn and avocado salad, sipping Arnold Palmers and thinking about how birth control, might be the most ingenious invention since Ron Popeil spray-on hair.

I do my part.

With that being said, I wholly expect other parents to do their part.

What happens if they don't uphold the unwritten law?


Nothing pisses me off more, than when someone else's child, performs an act so insolent, so uncouth and so discourteous, that it completely destroys the countless hours of steadfast, hard work that I have put in, to try and establish good will between myself and the pool goers that are sans kids.


In other words...

Try not to let your kid shit in the hotel pool.

That's right. You heard me.

Try not to let your kid shit in the hotel pool.

I don't think this is too tall an order.

Just put a damn diaper on his or her ass.

If your kid shits in the pool, I'm guessing it's probably not the first time this has happened to you.

My family is trying to swim over here. We're messing around in the water. I'm playing shark dad. I'm throwing those stupid diving toys all over the place, so my kids can retrieve them like Golden Retrievers. They're batting around a beach ball. We're enjoying some good old fashioned Marco Polo.





I hate that game.

Now I have to step in a pile of wet shit laying at the bottom of the pool? And because we noticed it, everyone is gonna think it was my kid?

Now, it's like a game of CLUE and I'm Colonel fucking Mustard, walking around, trying to figure out whodunit, with kid pellets lodged between my toes.

Come on dude. It was hilarious in Caddy Shack but not here.

Get your shit together.

Actually, it was pretty damn funny...