Thursday, January 14, 2010

It's Eating Her Brain. I'm Eating Potato Chips...

I am a bad parent.

I have been lying on the couch, watching football all afternoon. My wife is out with my youngest daughter. I am home alone with my 7 year old.

I haven't fed her lunch or even checked on her in quite some time. She knows where we hide the 100 calorie packs. This should suffice.

I'm not overly worried but I am becoming a tad concerned.

She's playing with her Nintendo DS.

Playing is probably not the most accurate description.

She's melded with it.

I hear her grunting, like an old man digging a ditch.

What's even more disconcerting is what follows. There is a pattern developing. Every so often, she shrieks and yells.


and then there is quiet.

and then a whisper.


Who is she apologizing to? Is she sorry for using inappropriate language? Is she apologizing to her Nintendo DS? Is she apologizing to me?

I'd like to think it is the latter. She knows I don't allow that type of language in the house.

But I am a floor below her.

On a couch.

Wrapped in a fleece blanket.

Watching football.

With Sour Cream and Cheddar Potato Chips on my face and Ranch Dip in my hair.

I think about getting up and taking the Nintendo DS from her.

"You should read a book. Enough of the game and watch your language."

But that would ruin everything for me.

So I stay on the couch and pretend it isn't happening. The Nintendo DS is my ally.

From upstairs


She'll be OK.

My wife will be home soon.

And I'll be Out-Numbered once again...

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Why American Idol Needs Howard Stern