OK, here we go.
If you somehow read that to yourself in that fucked up, disturbing computer voice from War Games, then you can stay.
There’s a game that I love to play with my friends. You can play it with guys, girls, transgender folks, whoever. The game is called “F, Marry, Kill?” If you don’t know what “F” stands for, then you probably don’t know what cock-docking is either. Don't worry about it. Not important.
Here are the rules:
1) You must have at least two people to play the game. It’s especially fun with strangers on Twitter.
2) One of the players must choose three random people. They can be celebrities, co-workers, your best friend’s Mother, your fat neighbor, the hot cheerleader you used to crush on or even some crazy cougar from the supermarket. Meow! Be creative. But all the players involved must be familiar with the people chosen.
3) Once the three people are chosen, the other players must assign each of the three people to a category: F, Marry or Kill.
4) Justifying your choices is not required but open debate is encouraged. There are no wrong answers. Only stupid ones.
5) Assume someone is holding a gun to your head. This is serious stuff.
Marsha * Jan * Cindy * (Teen years)
This one is deceiving. Don’t get suckered into the easy choice here.
F – You 100% F Marsha. She is by far the hottest of the three. She was beautiful with a killer body. She wore tight sweaters and drove all the boys crazy. She was a total tease but at the same time she was a colossal prude. She was an A-List score back then and chances are you wouldn’t have a cold shot in hell in real life, so go for it. Plus she was a complete narcissist and would drive you insane in the long run. The only other option would be to off her and that would be a waste.
Marry – This is where it gets tricky. Both Jan and Cindy were pretty annoying and neither was very good looking. You need to use a bit of foresight here. Everyone knows Cindy went on to become some kind of crazy drug addict and she never really lost her lisp. That’s way too much effort to expend as the result of a bad choice in a game. On the other hand, Jan was super homely and she tilted the creepy scale a bit too far at times. The key is the glasses. If you drink a few beers, remove Jan’s glasses and you squint a little bit, she jumps from a 5 to about 7.5. That’s good enough for a jerk off like me. You need to think long term.
Kill – Sorry Cindy. Unfortunately, you’ll be selling seashells by the seashore in the afterlife.
Get the picture?
Now you try it. I’m going to throw one out for the Men and then a separate one for the Ladies. Feel free to tackle both. Have fun!
Jewel * Tina Fey * Your Wife’s Best Friend *
Jimmy Fallon * Angelina Jolie * Scott Baio *
I know my answers but I don’t want anyone to feel Out-Numbered…
P.S. If you wouldn't mind, please take a moment to vote for me in the Blogger's Choice Awards. I know it's a complete pain in the ass but I'm pretty close to representing in the two categories below. I'm obviously worthy of both because I am able to weave parenting anecdotes with drinking games about fucking. Thank you.