Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Things That Suck About Having Kids... Part One

Warning: Please do NOT read this post if you think your kids are perfect, if you are easily offended by inappropriate language or if you have a shitty sense of humor about your children. Continue reading only if you admit that your kids are annoying or that they have sucked at any point in time.


I love being a dad. That much I can tell you. I can list a number of reasons that would support that statement but for now I choose not to. What happens to be on my mind lately is how much having kids can suck. I'm not saying that having children sucks all of the time but rather a majority of the time. I know that most parents think their kids are annoying. I know that most parents tend not to talk about this in public. I also know what parents think are annoying about their kids. How do I know this? Because I asked. This is only a small sampling of what you said:

The fact that I have to fight with them to take a shower. They act like I am asking for a limb rather than just asking them to clean themselves. That they are comfortable being slimy, smelly and dirty... - Wendy, Facebook

Remember "the most annoying sound in the world" from Dumb & Dumber? My 6yr old is a pro at it ALL.DAY.LONG. - indigoeyes, Twitter

That despite having saved the receipt you can't return or exchange them. - David, Facebook

Realizing that you could have had the souped up Porsche for the same price as private school. - Rudy, Facebook

OK besides the delivery, the honesty..."mama, you smell like wine....again". Yup, delivery and honesty those are the most annoying. I love those little bitches otherwise. :-) - Elizabeth, Facebook

endless talking, sibling squabbles & they throw a bright light on every unflattering aspect of my personality, daily. - thejavaqueen, Twitter

The fact that they ask the same thing over and over and over and over...they simply wear you down. - Scott, Facebook

The inordinate amount of crap you have to take with you EVERYWHERE! diapers, butt cream, extra bottle in case you're going somewhere anti-boob, change of clothing, car seat, car seat adapter, toys, extra blankets, teething rings, teething ointment, a bag for all of it, then the stroller....and for an 18 lbs person! - Denise, Facebook

The fact that one eats in the kitchen and one eats in the dining room because one chews too loud and one breathes too loud. - Eden, Facebook

But why? But why? But why? - theweirdgirl, Twitter

The fact that I can't go to see a grown up movie whenever I damn well please. Oh, yeah, the WHHHHIIIIIINNNNGGGG too! - Melissa, Facebook

Well, thanks for sharing your uncensored and brutally honest thoughts about what annoys you most about having kids. I think we can all take comfort in the fact that none of us are alone in sharing this sentiment. The following is a short list of sucky and annoying things from my Out-Numbered perspective. They are listed in no particular order. Let me know if any of these sound familiar to you.

1. The smell of shit and pee.



There are times when living with little children seems no different than living with a deranged homeless person or an untrained dog. The constant, often volatile outbursts and the frequent lingering smell of feces. Even with the invention and assimilation of modern day plumbing, we as parents are still forced to wallow in an endless mass of kid poop and pee.

2. Small and excruciatingly annoying repertoire of music.



It goes without saying that staple tunes like Itsy Bitsy Spider, London Bridges and that piece of shit song, Frere Jacques can drive a parent insane. But to me it's the new generation of mediocrity that makes me want to jab pencils into my ears. Please wrangle up Barney, Dan Zane and The Wiggles and blast them all into space at once.

3. Snot



The only thing that makes me gag more than handling another human being's excrement is accidentally getting my kid's rubbery, sticky snot caught on my finger or any other part of my body for that matter. Snot fun at all...

4. Crazy Ass Kid Sicknesses



Fifth Disease, Ring Worm, Whooping Cough, Roseola (also known as Sixth Disease) and Croup are just a few of the ultra disgusting and completely mind baffling names of some common kid illnesses. The names of these illnesses are so unfamiliar to the average human that when you become a parent you actually think for a second that you've been transported to some kind of messed up Little House on the Prairie parallel universe. Throw in the locusts and we're all set to go.

5. Car Seats



Is it me or does it seem like it's absolutely impossible to install a car seat without professional help? Setting up one of these bad boys is not dissimilar to Greco-Roman Wrestling. I've thrown my back out on numerous occasions, bloodied my hands and slammed my head into the roof of my car, all while trying to ensure the safety and well being of my kids. My wife literally has to make an appointment with the local Fire Department to have this done properly. I wouldn't be surprised if Ashton Kutcher was behind it all.

6. Hip Hop Harry



Words can't describe the amount of hate I feel towards the creators of this hairy, condescending, monster. I am convinced that Lucifer himself lives beneath the Hip Hop Harry costume. If you haven't heard of this show, please ignore this portion of the list.

7. Birthday Parties



Is there nothing original left in this world? Can we as parents possibly think of something else to do other than heave our children into giant inflatable bouncing castles and eating pizza? There's got to be a better, cheaper way to treat our kids to a party. Having an open bar or even a keg for the adults wouldn't hurt either.

8. 9. and 10. The inability to listen, short term memory and the obsession with cameras and phones.

My kids refuse to even look me in the eyes when I'm speaking to them let alone acknowledge that there has been an exchange of information between us. I am convinced that a child is incapable of listening until he or she reaches the age of 12. Then the ability is again impaired until the age of 21.

Kids have the uncanny ability to remember all sorts of things from months and years past. That time they went swimming at Uncle Jarvis's pool, three summers ago. Clear as a bell. I've even heard of instances where a child has very vivid recollections of time in the womb. But God strike me down if my kid happens to remember how to wipe her own ass or that I said no candy before 10am. Jeez Louise.

Why is it that all kids are obsessed with handling our cameras and cell phones but none of them will pose for a God damn picture or leave you alone for a nano-second when it's time to make an important call?

I'm going to sleep. Anyone else out there feeling Out-Numbered?
Posted by Out-Numbered
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69 comments:

  1. This post was hilarious. Currently, my wife and I reside as happy DINK’s (dual income no kids) in the New York suburbs. Of course, that may change (even changing our perspective) in due time. But in the present, we find it brutally annoying to field visits from friends towing rugrats. In the span of a recent afternoon, I've had several varieties of cheese thrown under my coffee table and couch, bodily fluids smeared on my dining room furniture, and a boatload of cheap plastic toys and stuffed animals tossed around my house in cyclonic fashion.

    Bodily fluids I can understand, referring to your homeless point. But what happened to eating at the table? Back in the prehistoric early '80s, if I so much as tossed a raisin under my mother's couch, let alone someone else’s, I'd have been muzzled and fed through a tube. No, really. It was "table" or "foster care."

    And don't even get me started on the 3 year old who ordered me to turn down the stereo volume at my own goddamned New Years Eve party.

    Sigh.
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  2. The best parenting insight I ever got (and it was from a real child professional and everything) went something like this:

    "Childhood is a journey through varying degrees of psychosis."

    That squared up entirely with my experience of my kids thus far. (Love them though I do.)
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  3. I had everything planned for Sebastian's last birthday...or so I thought. One of the parents when RSVPing said, "There will be bloody marys won't there?" It was a huge lightning bolt. Ran out, got the fixins, and it was a damn fine kids birthday. hic
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  4. so u think our kids are annoying?
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  5. I think it's the reason our parents smile so much when we have kids...you think they are happy because the baby is so cute, but no, they are thinking, "It's payback time!"

    There are a lot of things that suck about having kids, not sure how or why I ended up with 3 of them, but they have this way of looking you in the eyes and making you love them (again) just when you think your done with the whole thing.

    Me, I just want pretty things in my home again, and nice clothes so I don't look like a snot, pee, food, dirt, and whatever else covered mess all the time.
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  6. when your kids are grown and leave you all alone you'll wish those rainy days on the soccer field never ended.....cheerish the moment...
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  7. And what about the vomit? Is there anything more disgusting than cleaning up someone else's vomit, projectile being the worse of course!
    It would also be nice to go to the bathroom without having a little person sitting outside the door asking when you'll be finished.
    Let's face it: kids totally run your life until they're grown and leave home for good. My only consolation is watching my daughter with her two, knowing she's only experienced a PART of what I did... just wait until they're teenagers!
    Great, funny post... and so true!
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  8. The best part of this post?

    "...Part One"

    Which means there is more to come, right?
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  9. Another fabulous piece of journalism!!! I absolutely loved it! It gets easier as they get older-bigger kids, different set of difficulties. Take care...
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  10. nice....i think this guy sums it up nicely as well.....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4u2ZsoYWwJA
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  11. Hysterical! Well put my friend. You really hit a nerve with us parents. We love these little boogers but who thought little people could actually have the power to break down an adult from time to time. They are powerful!

    At times I wait for my teenage daughter's head to spin just as it does in the exorcist. I'm pretty sure the devil invades every teenage girl from the ages of 13 to 17.
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  12. Oh my god. There I was, innocently browsing on through my blogroll, leaving a remark or two about the current child related horror we're dealing with, and then I come here and you are actually talking about the same thing. PINWORMS. Worms, how gross is that. Worms in your kid's anus and worm eggs drifting about, double gross.

    I suppose that to remain sane, one has to classify all this in the category "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger/builds your character". However, one question: how come I feel weaker and weaker and crazier and crazier after each incident?
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  13. Yup - pretty good summary there. I'm particularly disgusted by the various foul substances that have exploded out of my lads when they were babies, particularly when a car seat was involved. I still recall (with terror) the "vomit in the park" episode when Ihad to walk home about half a mile covered in puke and carrying a screaming baby.

    I'll get over it one day (eeeuurrghhhhhh!!!).
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  14. Even though I write about my nutty kids, I can't help but wonder what my dad thinks. I know there were times that my brothers and I were the most annoying beings on earth (especially when we popped and cracked our gum in his presence or when we fought about nothing). I'm sure he reads my blog and just shakes his head.

    "What goes around, comes around."

    The only comfort I have is the fact that one day my offspring will be parents and I can sit back and laugh at their expense.

    Oh -- that comment about the "most annoying sound in the world" made me LOL. I can totally relate to that...
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  15. You don't do an open bar at birthday parties?
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  16. Great list, how did I miss the call for complaints? My recommendations for part 2:
    1) The inability to escape for a few hours of grown-up time without coordinating a massive schedule of pick-ups, drop-offs, and feeding schedules and paying out the ass for a teenaged babysitter to watch movies and talk on your phone all night.
    2) Why does my toddler insist on putting every damn thing in the toilet EXCEPT her bodily wastes?
    3) They destroy your social life completely.
    4) Playgroups are the dullest places on earth.
    5) You spend hundreds of dollars taking them to a theme park and they either cry or sleep through it.
    6) You have to plan your life around nap-time.
    7) One for the ladies: Once you have a baby, your body figures it's mission to attract a mate is obviously complete and gives the fuck up on you.
    8) They can run and jump and climb like monkeys until you ask them to walk for 2 blocks and suddenly they are tiiiiiired and need you to carrrrrry them.
    9) They bring home germs for all of those disgusting diseases and spread them around so that you end up calling in sick to work because you have headlice.
    10) If you own anything nice they'll destroy it. If you don't own anything nice you never will because you can't afford it anymore.
    11) They make "I love you" cards and kiss you and make you feel all guilty about complaining about them.
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  17. You to teach your kids to pee and poo outside. No smelly house! It works great for my dog, why not kids?
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  18. Well said. For me, one of the greatest things about having kids is laughing at them. I take pleasure in annoying them from time to time and doing the unexpected to them just because I can.
    As far as feeling outnumbered, my two girls aren't even out of diapers yet and I'm already dreading the teen years. I told my wife, we will always have male dogs if for no other reason than because I need an ally in the land of the "fallopian".

    Nice blog.
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  19. You are SO right. I do not understand why people go back for more. I understand the first one: you honestly don't know what it will be like, but after that? No excuse.

    We have one 20 month old and people are always asking when we're having another. My response, "Are you kidding?" I can barely handle this one, and that's a tribute to his pain in the butt-ness since I was a first grade teacher of 20+. I know kids. I can handle kids. I want ONE.

    -Abby
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  20. Abby, I think people with seconds or thirds think their kids will then be auto-entertaining i.e. play with each other instead of the constant sleeve-grabbing and "mom. mom. moooom. mom, mom mom, mom mom mooooooooooooooooooooom!!!!!"
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  21. FINALLY! Someone writes down what we all think! KUDOS!

    Absolutely worship your posts!
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  22. my kids are a little older, so i don't have a lot of these issues...but i guess tweens/teens come w their own set? lol funny post.
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  24. Bro, very funny post indeed. I seriously felt relieved to know that my kid is not the only one who has a vacuous space between his ears when receiving directions, warnings, admonitions and threats. The one-year-old understands "no" and gets quite uncomfortable when I give her "the look" but I know it won't last. As a stay-at-home dad, my day is often calculated by how many poop evacuations in which I'm involved, be it changing noisome diapers or poopy potty breaks, sometimes it can be between 4-6 poop experiences per day (excluding my own, which then bring the number to about 9). That's a lot of poop. At some point I plan to write a blog posting about this topic in particular so I will make two quick points: 1. I wish I had studied scatology in college as it would serve me better than a degree in political science. There is nothing political about poop. And 2. I had a serious aversion to the word "poop" throughout my entire life. I still HATE that word. It connotes something cute and cuddly but in reality it's toxic and messy. I prefer "duty" but it just never stuck.
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  25. Will you please, please, please contact me when you are ready to write one about teenagers. They REALLY suck!!!! cpenn67atmsndotcom
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  26. I hate kids! I love reading this kind of stuff cuz it just makes me not want them even more than I already did. I thought that as I got older, I would want kids. Turns out, the older i get, the less I want them and the more I pity the sorry saps who have them.
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  27. Absolutely, I have two and it is the worse mistake I ever made. After the first I swore I wouldn't have a second but somehow I let my wife talk me into it. Maybe I thought "oh this one will be different" Stupid,stupid,stupid. Wish we could give them some kind of growth hormone to make them grow faster so I can kick them the hell out!
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  28. Well truth be told it's the 10:1 rule....for every one happy jolly fuzzy momemt with my kids there are about 10 annoying ones to contend with.

    But of course, I still love the buggers....had to say that to clear the mommy conscience.
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  29. Oh man, for me it is enough to come over to my "friends" house with my family and take shit from their kids from the moment i wake up lol.. (i`m 15), yeah i have that shit instead of vacations. Dont really know if i will ever have kids.
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  30. Yes I agree 100% the 5% of coolness their is 90% of I hate them..for all the reasons above my wife looks like shit the weight gain the sleepless nights add 20 years to her.The youngest will not sleep in his own bed so guess who gets booted out..I will be glad to be able to sit somewhere and NOT have some toy rammed up my ass.or walk across the floor and NOT have something stick to it...Nasty piss pots full of piss ,shit,boogers and puke their a constant barage on all your senses.I have not had 5 min alone with my wife in 10 years even though she looks 50 years older then she should,and 40 pounds heaver how i will never know she never rests and is constantly being their slave.she should be skinny as a rail.
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  31. This is absolutely classic..and I LOVE the DINK (dual income no kids) acronym! awesome. One day we might have some of our own, but not right now, but yes I understand. 2 nieces and nephews here, and believe me it is NICE to "give them back" when its time. Talk about being able to return with out receipt.

    The constant whining at breakfast over, and over, and over again not wanting to eat the same thing. Man, if that was me in the 80's, I would've been strapped to a chair, and YOU must eat this.. no questions asked.

    I can't believe how kids these days TALK BACK and QUESTION their parents! goodness there is no fear now a days...
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  32. A lot of this crap is optional, you know. You don't HAVE to take them to the pizza party if you know it's going to be more pain in the ass than pleasure for you.

    You don't HAVE to cater to their underdeveloped tastes in music and TV, and you definitely don't HAVE to let them sleep in your bed. If you tune out the whining consistently enough, you'll have a lot less of that, too.

    sometimes I think people make having kids a whole lot more miserable than it needs to be. I can't tell whether people don't fix it out of guilt, or laziness, or some pernicious combination of the above.

    The carseat thing though, that does suck. SUCK. At least they are strapped down and immobilized once it's done.

    Don't you wish you could do that at home sometimes? Waiiiit.
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  33. I'm a Non-Breeder.

    Here's antoher annoying thing:

    I have to pay taxes to support public schools.

    So in other words, you creeps hump without using birth control, knock eachother up,
    and I have to pay for it.

    Why can't Non-breeders be tax exempt from this?
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  34. I know it sounds terrible to say but I don’t like anything about kids. Seriously, I can’t stand to be around them. Almost none of my friends have kids and the ones who do I rarely ever see (guess why). The way I see it, right now there aren’t enough jobs for everyone, there aren’t enough houses, there are too many cars on the road, too many crowds, too many traffic jams, too many people everywhere. How would I make our appalling situation better by having kids and adding to the problem? Children suck the life out of the people around them. They are expensive, irritating, unaccountable, destructive, disrespectful, loud, obnoxious, rude and selfish. Children serve no purpose other than to take up space and carry on the questionable genes of their parents. I am so thankful I don’t have kids. I have fun and I do as I please when I please. Every dollar I make is mine to spend on anything I want. I have peace & quiet when I want and I have total freedom. I would lose every enjoyable aspect of my life if I had kids. I can not understand why so many people have children. Yuck, no thanks.
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  35. I hate it when guests come to visit with their brats in tow. When I was a kid, if my parents visited friends, I, as well as the other kids there, would be directed to the "kids playroom." We stayed in there and played QUIETLY, and we didn't bother the adults. We didn't run around like banshees, getting into everything. If we had a problem/or wanted something, we would stand at the corner of the adults' room and wait until someone said, "What do you want?" More over, we addressed all adults as Mr./Mrs., or "Sir" or "Ma'am." I hate the way kids call adults by their first names-no respect anymore. What's missing from all kids' psyches today is "fear." It worked for thousands of years, and it would work today. It must be implemented from a very young age or it won't be effective.
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  36. I don't like kids, but I figured I would defend them here. Kids are pretty much miniature adults who tend to break more things. Adults don't behave much better if you think about it. They're just as whiney and mean, they just do it in different areas. They whine about having kids (lol)about how much money they make, and how "he never takes me out to dinner anymore".
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  37. I hate the way all life seems to revolve around the little bastards. Adults come first; if something happens to the little bastards, one can always make more, if one would have the propensity to do so.
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  38. Good stuff! I have two kids - both conceived on birth control! They are teens now and I can't say it's been enjoyable. My husband and I gave up our best years and what used to be an amazing relationship. All of our strength and energy has gone to raising our kids. In return, they're hateful, lazy and selfish. They walk around our house like they're the ones who worked hard and bought it and we're just annoying trash in their way. If I died tomorrow, my son would be most concerned with how much money I left him and my daughter would be annoyed at having to go to my "stupid funeral." My husband and I used to have so much fun together before kids. We were so happy. Life has sucked ever since and our marriage went right down the toilet! Don't have kids!!

    Oh and for the poster that said something to the effect of, "you'll want your kids back when they grow up and leave you all alone." What a ridiculous assumption! You really think that when kids grow up all parents do is sit around crying all day, waiting for their kids to bless them with a visit? Screw that! My own parents pursued many new hobbies and interests after my brothers and I left. They took back their social life too and enjoyed lots of traveling with friends and family. Hell, I could barely track them down when I wanted to talk to them! I can't wait to walk among the living again! I've been robbed of so much fun and freedom. I'm counting the days until my kids leave. I love them with all my heart but love isn't enough to wash away all the pain and misery they cause. Kids really do suck!
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  39. hell yeah ! let's extend the whole "kids suck" thing to "people suck" and we're getting somewhere....
    if i was still in the U.S., i'd get a fucking gun and ... well, you know....
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  40. I second the don't ever have kids post 2 comments above this. Kids suck. My good years are wasting away. I have no social life and hate everyone that can't stop talking about how much they love being a parent (liars). I miss my husband when it was just the two of us. So depressing.
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  41. I am a female and don't want kids because why? For ALL OF THESE REASONS. Just the idea of little people annoying me all day long makes me cringe at having children, even looking at other people's kids make me crings...because they all look so tired and wishing they were in my shoes!

    Sure, they are really cute, but the fatigue, money and looking older part really kind of hits the spot! Meaning, for me that's the epitomy of old, unsexy, slave work.

    Can anyone tell me, did you really want kids and then after having them regret it? Does the work involved with raising children truly outweigh having kids? Marriage is hard enough, don't need to give anymore of myself yuck!
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  42. I am so glad that I don't have kids. I work with them all day long- I 'm a teacher. Seeing how disrespectful and self-centered that they are has made me not want them. At three o'clock they're gone! I have tons of work to do after dismissal. It's not an 8-3 job as some would like to proclaim. I do get peace and quiet though after they're gone.

    Honestly, I don't remember my sister and I as being so obnoxious when we were younger. Kids these days are loud, presumptuous, and rude. Of course it's not all of them. There are a few that are considerate, sweet, and actually enjoy learning. The overwhelming majority however have short attention spans and feel that it is their right to have every fleeting whim catered to- yes we are a "child-centric" society.
    It is refreshing to read what parents really think about having kids. I get tired of hearing about how wonderful "mommyhood" is. I guess that we have to perpetuate that myth so that we can perpetuate our species. No thanks, I'll let other people do that!
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  43. My husband wants kids, and I really don't. I am thinking of leaving the marriage or getting my tubes tied secretly. Ummm, what should I do?
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  44. WOW, glad I found this website. I think I'm a mom that doesn't like kids! The endless chatter, singing, sibling rivalry, mommy I need water, mommy I'm hungry AGAIN, mommy wipe my butt, mommy mommy MOMMY!!!! Holy friggin' cow...they try to warn ya but you just can't really, truly fathom it until you're there. I am glad I'm divorced because I get every other night off! Sad, huh? And I have beautiful, sweet little girls...who make me wanna kill myself!!! aAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
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  45. oh yes, tubes are TIED shut! I truly would kill myself if I were to find myself pregnant again.
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  46. Would anyone here not have kids again given the chance to go back in time? I want to know how hard parenthood really is. Is it more physical work? Like cleaning up after them, taking them to school, cooking, etc. Or is it more mentally tough? Like not having time for yourself, wishing you could do, be, or have this and that?
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  47. Wow these comments r sooo hilarious!Thanks for a good place to vent. I love my oldest child with all my heart but I am starting to wonder if he was like me as a child and if I was,goooddd Lord!!! Always talking,playing deaf,mommy this,mommy that,more food,I'm hungry for the 9632548 time!
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  48. I'm so thankful everyday I don't have kids. I'm a single female and got
    my tubes tied at 22.. It took a lot of legal litigation threatening
    but my doc finally did it. Best damn $2500 I ever spent and no
    I don't regret that decision. I'm 39 now and it's the best decision I
    ever made
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  49. I live with a 5 year old only child and he is the most annoying little brat I've ever experienced. The kid doesn't do anything on his own for more than 5 minutes, that's his maximum attention span. He NEVER plays in his room with all the toys we've wasted money on.. He HAS to be right at our feet and constantly talking/making noise/asking question/whining to be fed every hour at least. The ONLY reason he goes to his room is to drag more shit out to the living room or whatever room we are currently in. We constantly fight with him to pick up his messes, he never does. He's not my child so I am pretty much powerless, he doesn't take me seriously at all and of course I can't lay a finger on him or else I'll have ALLL KINDS of drama to deal with. So I just sit and wait for mom to deal with him but she's much more seasoned at ignoring him so he just constantly bothers me.. I can't enjoy a single second doing anything unless he is sleeping/at school. Take it from me... KIDS ARE NOT WORTH IT. Maybe I'd feel different if he was my own.. My advice is to never get involved in a relationship with someone that has young children from another relationship. It seriously sucks.
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  50. OMG...thank GOD I'm not alone. Kids are annoying as hell. It's boring to be around them, they expect to be the center of attention. To top it off, they are so Freaking EXPENSIVE AS HELL!!!!!

    I don't have kids of my own, my husband has two and I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this GOD AWFUL MESS I'm in!!!


    UGHHHH!!!!!!!
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  51. Hi,

    This site is funny! I am in my early forties and female, I never wanted kids... ever! I thought it may change when I got older, but seeing my niece the way she acted as a baby and child, and now as a spoiled rotten 17 year old whom the world eveolves only around her Royal Hieness... totoally turned me off to the idea. Also going to the mall and seeing those brats laying in the middle of the floor, on the dirty butt floor and rolling around in it! Also having those miserable moms try and run you over with those enourmas triple stollers, and the kids drolling and spitting up and yelling I want this I want that, make me sick to my stomach!! Also I did some babysitting for a neighbor and her 3 year old girl ran the household, it was disgusting to watch, made you want to vomit, this little obsessive compulsive girl, everything bothered her, one piece of the puzzle out of place, you think the world came to an end!! She will probablly grow up miserbale like her mom, maybe get a nice mansion too, if shes lucky, but have no life and just be a breeder for her 10 year older husband that never wanted to settle down so waited to his mid forties to get married!! LOL And the husbands never home, want to bet where he is?? LOL Just the fact that you have no life left, have to drag the nanny and household with you just to get something at the store, have no friends, can't eat anything cause may blow up again, can't go to the gym, cause can't leave kids alone, have a old fart husband and no life! Miserable! Better off marrying a younger man, that has no kids and dosn't want any! Travel, party, make love, enjoy life..no snots , no vomit, no baggage and no divorce after its all over, if you even last 10 years. The divorce rate alone..would make me not want kids...they are just some much to not want compared to the little to want. But I must say my newphew, if there was ever a dream kid, he is it, was a sweet quiet baby a considerate fair child, can play all day by himself, never asked for much and is a sweet kind gentle giving 13 year old boy now...but you can't gaurentee thats what you will get,, thank God for small favors! Bless you all and your lovely rugrats on Chritmas day, may God be with you all!
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  52. Laughed until I was crying and gasping for air. If I had it to do again, I wouldn't even date. I'd threaten to neuter anything with a dick that came within ten feet of me. I would finish my PhD and have a long love affair with my career. I'd live alone with my cats,rotties, pythons,fish, and tarantulas and die happy. My hubbie and I are stuck raising our grandson after my stupid offspring kept him long enough to fuck him up. At least I can feel like he's closer to normal after reading this! I honestly worried that he was Rosmary's baby or Michael Meyers. He can be a creepy little monster. He shit down a heat vent a couple of times before he was potty trained. My husb. wears a sleep apnea snorkel, and little Beelzebub came in our room and turned it off. Hubbie woke up, and Bezzer just looked at him and siad he was hungry.Kids are evil little demonic entities. Save yourself, don't have them!
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  53. I am so happy, a little update from my previous post, finally convinced my husband not to have kids until 2015! Yeah, by that time we'll be too old to have them...LOL. He said he wants kids so that when he's old he won't be alone, but he has no idea what raising kids are like, and believe it or not, everyone gets old and dies alone anyway! At least I will be at peace knowing that no kids are coming...hip hip hooray! hip hip hooray! hip hip hooray!
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  54. Kids, i have two girls, a two year old and a one year old. They are so goddamn annoying when at home but fucking little angles with everyone else. They sit correctly, quiet, don't make a mess with other people but at home, they don't shut up, make a mess of everything and drive me up the wall to the brink that i wish i never got married and had kids. But, when they are quiet, clean and angles, I can't imagine a world without them.

    William, NYC
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  55. I know this is supposed to be very funny, but I find it all painfully true. I always knew that I never wanted children. I was able to put it off until I was 40 before I had them and I had them for my husband of 20 years. He wanted four, I didn't want any. I got pregnant with twins. They are now 2 years old and I promise you without a doubt, this has been the worst two years of my entire life. The worst thing about it all is that I don't see an end to it. I feel like I will be unhappy for the rest of my miserable life. Well, at least for the next 18 years. I guess I should get some consolation in the fact that at least I had 40 good years before my life ended.
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    1. Here's a clue sherlock, THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WILL SUCK!! . the only good news is that when the little shits are 18, you can kick their asses out of the house and never have to do another day of free babysitting again. Until then one of them knocks up the neighbors 16 year old daughter and asks you to "help them by babbysitting". I'd consider suicide by then if i were you
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  56. I was looking for info about kids who smear poop everywhere (since this is what my two year old twins are into), and I came across this article. It is kind of funny and a bit refreshing since everyone on facebook seems to act like their lives with their kids are amazing. No one talks about the rough times, and it makes me feel guilty when I get frustrated at them (especially when they poop everywhere). On the other hand, i've read some pretty awful comments that people have written about chidren here. Remember we were all children once. As simple as this may sound, we are just animals with higher levels of inelligence and were put on this planet to reproduce. EVERYTHING that we do revolves around this concept,so it is obviously an important aspect of being human. I feel sorry for you people who "hate" and will never have kids. You will grow into sad and lonely people while we will enjoy the warmth, comfort and love of having a family.
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  57. I feel such a sense of relief to know that I'm not alone. I'm a 28yo mother of two girls 9 and 7 it just occurred to me that I have no clue of who I am or what I'm interested in. Sometimes I catch myself thinking only 7yrs for the oldest 10 and half for the youngest to get the f@#@ outta my house. I clean all day and my house still looks like shit, they argue, bitch and complain all the time. If I have to watch another episode of Icarly or spongebob again Im going to jump off of a building. I Have NO social life! But I luv them... Thats my word and im stickin to it.
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  58. I am so glad I'm not the only parent who feels the way i do about kids...my son is 8 years old and as cute and thoughtful and kind as he can be at times the majority of the time he talks a mile a minute for hours which usually leads to me having a headache afterwards he is very loud(I swear my hearing has gotten worse since the birth of my son, he was even a loud baby)....he asks 100 million questions a day some of which he has already gotten the answer too but double checks anyway just to make sure he gets the same answer twice which is really freaking annoying and he eats like a grown man yet still acts like a little baby at times....very challenging and the list goes on....I have given up on my social life a long time ago so that part doesn't get to me anymore, I think the craziest part of having children is that u may end up with a child that is exactly like u and that magnify ur own personal personality flaws or annoyances that u would rather avoid or deal with on ur own time and its kinda hard to do that when ur child is a constant reminder and that is juss the reality of parenthood at times....but despite all of what I just mentioned I love my son and couldn't picture life now without him... although I do think I woulda waited a lot longer and really enjoyed my life before signing my life away and to make matters worse I'm expecting our second child in jan. I suppose I'm hoping for a diffrent result this time around since is has been so long and my new hubby likes kids he has 4 from a previous marriage and if I'm wrong well...I AM DONE TUBES TIED FOR LIFE!!!! WISH ME LUCK....
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  59. FUCK HAVING THESE LITTLE BASTARDS! Seriously,THE ONLY REASON WHY WE HAVE AS MANY OF THE LITTLE UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS IS BECUASE THERE IS A HUGE INDUSTRY AND MONEY TO BE MADE OFF THEM.
    That is why we see basically censorship on people being real about how much it sucks to have kids, and a huge effort to lie to young women about little kids being so cute and adorabe,that make women think "ahhh,he's sooo cute makes me want to have twins."
    Think about it,why else would people actually be ENCOURAGED TO STILL HAVE KIDS when there is 6 BILLION PEOPLE ON THE PLANET,THE VAST MAJORITY WITHOUT JOBS OR A REASON FOR EXISTING-OTHER THAN TO CONSUME AND EMPLOY THE PEOPLE WHO DO HAVE THE JOBS?!?!?!?
    ON TOP OF THAT, IF YOU ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE A PURPOSE FOR LIVING,LIKE A JOB,YOU ARE ENCOURAGED TO RUIN ALL THE HUGE LUCK YOU'VE HAD GETTING TO THAT POSITION ON HAVING KIDS?!?!? Insanity I tell you.
    And to add to the melting pot of the apocalypse-THE VERY PEOPLE WHO SHOULDN'T HAVE KIDS,THE POOR,THE UNEMPLOYED(I KNOW PLENTY OF NORMAL PEOPLE ARE NOW UNEMPLOYED,PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY,BUT RAISING A HAPPY HEALTHY KID THESE DAYS TAKES A LOT OF MONEY),THE DYSFUNCTIONAL,THE NON HIGH SCHOOL GRADS---THESE PEOPLE ALL HAVE TONS AND TONS OF THE BRATS!!!!!
    I tell you,the world is headed to hell in a hand basket.
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  60. in my next life, i'm going to have two goldfish instead...can't wait!!!
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  61. I am a childfree woman and do not even want to have a relationship, let alone kids, as I am a complete and utter misanthrope, and "people" (including family and friends) are far too much bother for me. It's touted as being such a great "honour" if someone is asked to be a wife or "chosen" to have kids. The reality is that in a lot of cases, it's a load of crap, and if you buy into it, you must be really, really foolish.
    My parents both hated children and let me know it. My dad even now (his partner has numerous grandchildren) bangs on about how much he hates kids. He had countless affairs, and my mother effectively let me know I had ruined her life, as the first affair happened when I was 18 months old and "everything was fine in their marriage before then" and she hadn't wanted kids for a long time before (she was advised not to leave it too late by her doctor). I asked her once why women who didn't really want kids had them anyway and she said "because it's expected of them". In my dad's case I was just another possession - like a horse or a motorbike. Something to go with the "lifestyle" and "image". It was all a load of falsehood and lies, and observing my peers, I don't see that they're faring any better. They all moan about their marriages, both partners in the marriage are lying to each other the whole time, either one or the other is flirting with others, having affairs...the list goes on.
    Talking about this stuff kinda drags up the hurt I suffered for many years, but I am better in charge of it now, I don't let it consume me quite so much. After my various experiences with people in general, I have scant feelings left to put anybody's way, and I can't be bothered to get agitated about this stuff all over again. I do know there is no way I will look after either of my parents in old age, and I now more or less ignore them, even though they periodically "check up on" me (just to check I haven't disappeared off the face of the earth I guess - needy bastards!). They were physically abusive to me, and so was my ex-husband.

    I have been told by countless men that "all women should have children". I was also asked by my mother whether I couldn't have had the children "for" my ex-husband (LOL! As if!). Nooo...family life and people suck...I keep my life as simple as possible, and keep away from anyone with kids, or who is single and made to feel inferior by this whole partnership/ family/ materialism bollocks. It doesn't cut it for me!!!
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  62. Same poster as above...just re-reading the comments from top to bottom of page...I guess we can all infer the *already blindingly obvious*...that kids hate parents, and parents hate kids?

    Philip Larkin, eat your heart out!! :D
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  63. People don't need to have kids. Don't listen to society. I make it clear to everyone I meet that I'm never having kids. My boyfriend knows that too and he is fine with this. He loves me more than anything. I love my boyfriend too much. A kid would ruin our relationship and make us miserable. Plus everything is expensive these days.

    I love animals more than kids. I can never give up animals for kids anyway. People that have kids seem miserable too. Some can't even control their own kids, it's like kids control adults. I would rather die than have kids.
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  64. Parenthood is like a job, learning an instrument, running a marathon, etc. It can be challenging, can be rewarding, some hate it, some love it.
    Shrug. Of course all those things it's easier to not start and not go through the aggravations, but for many of us the reward of completing a marathon, playing guitar, or watching your child accomplish something is one that cant be replaced with a few less headaches and a few more dollars.
    It's not for everybody, that's for sure.
    - Mike
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  65. I have 2 boys 19 months apart. They suck becuse we can never have a moment when they are both on their best behavior. Today my 5 year old was so good and my 6 year old I wanted to kill. By the afternoon they had switched. I do belive that most children are a product of their parents. If you are disrespectful then how can you expect your children to do as you say and not as you do?
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  66. I have 2 boys 19 months apart. They suck becuse we can never have a moment when they are both on their best behavior. Today my 5 year old was so good and my 6 year old I wanted to kill. By the afternoon they had switched. I do belive that most children are a product of their parents. If you are disrespectful then how can you expect your children to do as you say and not as you do?
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  67. Thanks. Suggested reading for those who want more: Hey Yeah Right Get A Life by Helen Simpson, and Only Children by Rafael Yglesias.
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  68. We adopted perfect kids late in life! Both of us were just diagnosed with ADHD as we turned 50. I love them, but if God gave me a do-over I would choose to remain childless. Our love life has been the victim of a criminal assault! How do you schedule spur of the moment intimacy? The answer is you're totally screwed in the bad way!
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